Posts Tagged ‘ephemera’

bloomers=freedom. I mean, bikes=freedom... whee!

Very old advice for ladies in the saddle! This begs sharing… some dated, some still true (don’t forget your toolbag, sure, but I think it’s ok to leave the needle, thread, and thimble at home- mending will wait)… says the woman currently wearing a “man’s cap” and who is probably a fright more often than not. I do not, however, scream when I see cows, unless they are charging at me (trust me, sometimes that works, as does holding out your arms to seem bigger- but have excellent balance before attempting that while astride two wheels in a rutted pasture… and if that fails, get to the other side of the nearest fence as soon as possible!). Read on, and ride on, ladies (and gents)!

* Don’t be a fright.
* Don’t faint on the road.
* Don’t wear a man’s cap.
* Don’t wear tight garters.
* Don’t forget your toolbag
* Don’t attempt a “century.”
* Don’t coast. It is dangerous.
* Don’t boast of your long rides.
* Don’t criticize people’s “legs.”
* Don’t wear loud hued leggings.
* Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”
* Don’t refuse assistance up a hill.
* Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit.
* Don’t wear jewelry while on a tour.
* Don’t race. Leave that to the scorchers.
* Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
* Don’t imagine everybody is looking at you.
* Don’t go to church in your bicycle costume.
* Don’t wear a garden party hat with bloomers.
* Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars.
* Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private.
* Don’t wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing.
* Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”
* Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys.
* Don’t go out after dark without a male escort.
* Don’t without a needle, thread and thimble.
* Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.”
* Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down your back.
* Don’t allow dear little Fido to accompany you
* Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers.
* Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know.
* Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well.
* Don’t try to ride in your brother’s clothes “to see how it feels.”
* Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run.
-> which is ok, unless she runs *toward* you. Cows aren’t very bright, and if they’ve got babies, can go from docile to downright murderous in a moment.

A few more tips at the source:

I’m sorry, did you say something? I was working on cultivating my “bicycle face”. I think it goes something like this, although it does not necessarily connote one as being a Bourbon Democrat of yore, riding on the gold standard (while being chased by the silver) and espousing laissez-faire conservative capitalism:

John Griffin Carlisle (September 5, 1834 – July 31, 1910)


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